oh...my god.

I have a new favourite website. This is rediculous.

I feel like an idiot for looking at this, but seriously. It's awesome.

www.cuteoverload.com

Go. Feel happy.
- posted by Eddie @ 5:16 PM

 
I have a few questions for the world, and you better all damn well listen up because I'm skipping out on my homework to write about this bullshit. I'm sick and tired of one of the few people in this world I care about feeling shitty because of inconsiderate people in his life. These are a few of the reasons why I would consider myself to be a true hater of the human race.

When the FUCK did it ever become wrong for someone to not like someone? Honestly. What is wrong with having negative feelings towards someone? It's perfectly plausible to love someone, to care about someone, so why does everyone feel it their responsibilty to make sure you're best friends with everyone?

What if this person did something terrible to you? What if they are a liar? What if you JUST PLAIN DON'T FUCKING LIKE THEM!? I don't get this whole mentality of feeling like you have to be all buddy-buddy with everyone. Or feeling like you need to patch things up between someone you have a falling out with.

Let's face it people, not everyone can get along. I will be the first to admit that I am not an easy person to get along with, unless you have many of the same interests as me. I am opinionated, smart, biased, bitter, and hate when people don't see things the same way as me. I don't expect everyone to be my best friend. So stop trying to make me, and my love, be friends with people we don't want to be friends with. FUCK OFF.

I'm also wondering a few other things about our treatment of men. I know I often go off on here about how women are portrayed in our society, but think for a second here, how do you see men? Well, it seems that there is as much of an ideal stereotype for men as there is for women. Men are supposedly meant to be the supreme ruler of our society. Men are supposed to be strong, outgoing, bold, and most importantly, emotionless.

To this, I say...horseshit.

Especially in this day and age where this stereotype of "emo" is stronger and more prodominant than ever, why are men still expected to have no feelings of hurt, pain, sadness or anger. Why are they supposed to keep everything inside and put on a stone face? Is it so their peers won't call them gay? Can one's sexuality really be called into question because of a few shed tears at an appropriate time?

When did "gay" even become a bad thing? You spineless cunts just have nothing better to insult.

I have seen my boyfriend cry. I have seen many men in my life cry. I have seen men in my life upset, angry, depressed, and just about every other emotion I can think of. I personally see nothing wrong with it. Why should I be allowed to cry and he can't? Isn't that what equality is all about? Doesn't it work both ways? Even though I have seen my boyfriend cry, I in no way think lesser of him. I still believe he could protect me against everything that were to ever threaten me. I entrust my life with him, and a few tears aren't going to fucking change that.

Another thing. Why is it that just because someone is sad at some times, or angry, or whatever the fuck they want to be, why do we suddenly assume that they sit at home and cut themselves and shit? I know I've probably thrown that joke around a few times myself, but really. Is our society so insensitive that we now throw suicide like it's a joke?

"it's not like he's going to go slice his wrist over it..." -Said in a conversation, with the passion of someone ordering lunch.

Someone gets moderately sad, and immediately they are going to commit suicide. Nice logic, asshole.

Fuck, I'm sure this didn't even make sense. But I'm just so sick of everyone being so naive, and believing anything that is put in front of them.

How about we all grow up?

I Won't Let You Fall Apart
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 7:57 PM

 
HOLY FUCK THIS IS SO COOL.

I just got finished doing a phone interview for the Guelph Mercury, and my god, I felt so damn cool. It was about wrestling fans, being a wrestling fan...so on and so on. I got to talk about my experiences with Chad, my experiences being backstage, watching the shows. Holy fuck.

I don't know why, I just felt so into the interview. I felt like I really got to say what I wanted about my experiences so far in this crazy world that Chad got me into.

I feel awesome.

My favourite part was her asking me what it's like to be a female wrestling fan especially. I basically told her everything I felt about my hesitation in being a Ring Girl, how I'm not the typical girl you would see at a wrestling show. This was by far the favourite thing I said:

"All the girls you see in wrestling on TV are generally cardboard cut-outs of each other, with blonde hair, huge chests and skimpy clothes. Then you have me, I have died black hair, piercings, tattoos, and I don't wear all the latest fashion trends. It feels awkward being the opposite of what's expected of you in a business like this, but I've always enjoyed being the outsider. I find it makes things alot more interesting."

My god I hope she quotes me on that.

I also gave PWA and Warhed a hell of alot of shameless plugs and promotion. So be thankful. And give me free swag.

That's all.

Bruises On the Fruit
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 3:18 PM

 
Ok, well since I got home today, I have been playing guitar and such (except for a break for Oprah of course). I've kind of gotten myself back into the musical groove, and gotten myself a little inspired to work on my solo album I've been telling myself and others about.

I made a decision, that there will only be one cover on the album. I find it really really hard to do covers, and it takes alot of finesse and skill so that they don't sound tacky. Finesse and skill that I highly doubt I have enough of, haha.

So my one cover will be: In Bloom by Nirvana.

Mmm, hot.

I also have my one acoustic song totally finished and all the kinks have been worked out. Sexy. I'm now working on my one piano song that I'm liking, and then just writing some words out that I won't call lyrics yet.

I've also been listening to much music, getting some much needed inspiration. Damn you Maynard James Keenan for being so awesome and leaving the rest of us to horribly untalented.

Ok, back to my...uh...can I even call it work? Probably not.

Say Hello...
To the Rug's Topography
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 8:00 PM

 
Today has been a good day so far.

1. Saw a cute furry animal while walking home from work. Some kind of groundhog or something.

2. I get to see Chad tonight.

3. These comics are funny.



Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
- posted by Eddie @ 5:54 PM

 
Second post today because of 2 very important things.

1. I FINALLY heard new Tool, surprisingly on the radio. Orgasmic, sexual, and wet. Honestly, I'm going to pleasure myself listening to that new album. I almost climaxed just listening to it in the gym.

2. My super awesome and sexy boyfriend got his G2 today!! The only thing he did badly on the test...was going too slow. Go figure? He is now going to drive me EVERYWHERE.

That is all.
- posted by Eddie @ 8:08 PM

 
This is a fucking joke.

For most of you who know me, you know that I tend to get overly pissed off about stupid little things. Usually things that I shouldn't get all worked up about. Well, for once I am absoloutly livid about something that I believe has some merrit.

I got to school this morning, thinking it was like any other day. I saw people start walking into my first period class with blankets and pyjamas and such, and I soon remembered that the night before was the grad sleepover. I didn't go to the grad sleepover, not because I really have anything against it, but just because I'd rather get some sleep (I hate being tired), and I just don't really feel like I fit in at school functions such as this.

So people start coming in, obviously exhausted, and we get the period underway. My teacher basically goes to the front of the class and says that she knows everyone's tired, and she doesn't feel like teaching us...so we can leave.

Now, most people would be excited about something like this, especially those who were so tired. I was not so excited about this. I just see it this way. I dragged MY ass out of bed this morning, and I got to school on time so that I could get my schooling done, get my good grades and go to university. So why the hell do these people get off the hook just because they made a stupid choice to stay up all night? And why does my teacher get to decide that she "just doesn't feel like teaching"? I was so fucking angry. I left with everyone else.

I went and found my philosophy teacher, and asked her what we were doing that day in class. Not so surprisingly, I got the same answer. We were just taking up homework because most people were going to be exhausted. I told her that I wasn't tired, that I COULD do work, so she basically told me I was better off going home and working on my seminar. Wow.

I just think it's so rediculous how I get fucked out of a day of preperation for University because people are immature, and think that social events and popularity in high school are more important than the real reason you're there, TO GET YOUR FUCKING WORK AND CLASSES DONE. I'm not pretending to be all enthusiastic about fantastic grades and school in general, but fuck, I'm at school to learn, and get good enough marks to get into university. I am not at school to have a good time and have fantastic adventures with my friends. It sounds bitter and jaded, but it's true. I have found that the social setting in high school has caused some of the worst feelings and situations in my life. And I am just sick of it. I don't fit in with anyone at school, I don't care about dances or formals, and I certainly don't care to spend the night at school with a bunch of people who would never give me the time of day in any other situation.

I'm just convinced now that high school is a fucking joke, and I can not wait to get out of there.

Comforting Lie
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 10:03 AM

 
"I love you my baby dear mwah love sex." -A message Chad sent me tonight right before bed...hmmm, someone's a little tired?

Tonight at work....
Guy#1: "Here sweetheart have some pizza, there's plenty here."
Me: "No thanks, I already ate dinner."
Guy#2: "Geez man! Does SHE look like she eats pizza?! I used to look like that when I was younger, you know, thin, without the belly..."

And that comment made me laugh, but also made me feel hot. Probably because I was slightly drunk.

Yay for quotes for the first time in forever.

Ugggghhh watching the news/writing then sleeeeeeeep.

Good, good.

Do they even cure you?
Or is it just to humour us before we die?
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 11:17 PM

 
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, DEAR GOD NOOOOO!!!!

Lenny got fired off the Apprentice....I hate everything.

On to more important things.

I don't get to see Chad for nearly a week, since he yet again is working insanely crazy shifts. At least this means money, which means car, which means easy trips from Guelph to Kitchener and such. Still, I fucking miss him already. I hate the stupid 20k between Guelph and Kitchener.

Uh, what else, I don't have much else to say. I'm in the process right now of designing some new bed sheets/blankets/pillowcases and such based around the nice black sheet I bought today. Clothing can be put on hold for a bit. Hmm....maybe I'll even make some PILLOWS. Intense.

I need something to keep me busy over the next week.

God dammit, why why why do I have to miss him already??

Fuck.

Stop it Addy.

He'll be back.

Sometime.

I love you mon amour.

Home Now?
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 9:03 PM

 
Correct me if I'm wrong.

I think I should be able to go the bathroom in my house pretty much any time I feel like it. You know, especially when I really have to pee. I think your shitty recording can wait, considering I believe my bladder has first priority. Hmm....I thought we had the studio at the shop for a reason...I guess not. So, all that money spent on the equipment there was a worthy investment? Obviously it was much better spent on old, outdated analog recording equipment, rather than say, my post-secondary education?

Hmmm....a hint of sarcasm? Maybe.

Anyhow.

I just finished reading Heavier Than Heaven, which is a biography of Kurt Cobain. Reading through the book, you can pretty much trace all of his drug abuse, out of control behaviour, and just general being fucked up back to one event in his life; his parents' divorce.

I find it a bit wierd that I think I would have turned out much better if my parents had gotten divorced way back in the day. All those times when my mom would take off for weeks at a time because she couldn't handle what an ASSHOLE my dad is. Maybe if she had've left for good and taken me with her, I wouldn't be the bitter, angry, outcast, fucked-up person I am.

We'll never know though.

The ending of the book made me cry though. It was a little embarassing considering I was at work, and here I am tearing up in front of my boss and co-workers. No matter what your feelings about Kurt Cobain are, you have to feel sympathetic for the tragic and early ending his life had. I wish I had one tenth of the creativeness and passion for every kind of art that he had, then maybe I could actually do something worthwhile with all this rage I have.

Oh well.

I'm going to go draw, and wish that Chad was here. I love him so much.

Forever In Debt To Your Priceless Advice
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 7:29 PM

 
Back to my roots.

Ocarina of Time is seriously owning me right now. Honestly, even though Chad is over, I have been playing it non-stop.

I should get in some playing time before he gets back from work.

*Zelda Music* (You KNOW you love it)
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 2:29 PM

 
I have a plan.

For those people who know me, you probably know what a pack rat I am. I tend to keep the stupidest little things, and I can't bring myself to throw them out. So last night I forced myself to completely GUT my room, and get rid of all the stupid little things I'd been keeping. It was pretty nice, and a little freeing too.

So my plan is this. I got rid of a bunch of shelf space in my room, in hopes that I won't start stockpiling random old crap that I don't need.

I don't know if it will work. I'll probably just get frustrated with my lack of storage space and throw a hissy fit at Chad one day. The point is....we'll see what happens.

Well, now it's time for me to go to the gym and get buff. Buh bye.

Because I'm Still Talking
And You're Not Listening
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 10:05 AM

 
So I was looking around the room to see if there was any change lying around. Chad tends to leave it here sometimes.

But there wasn't any, and now I can't get Tim Horton's before work.

Dang. I have a headache too.

Oh well.

I'm So Ugly
That's OK 'Cuz So Are You
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 11:53 AM

 
I am Addy.

I am engaged to be engaged.

I am so excited.

This is intense.

I hope Chad isn't mad that I'm telling everyone.

I love this, and him.

That is all.

In Bloom.
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 3:36 PM

 
It's confirmed. I have the best boyfriend in the world.

He's on his way right now from Kitchener to literally just spend the night with me, because it is 11pm. He's leaving tomorrow morning at 9.

Wow.

Best...ever.

I am the luckiest fucking girl in the world.
- posted by Eddie @ 11:05 PM

 
It's done, I've reached the end of my rope. I honestly don't think I can take any more of this.

I don't know how I'm expected to live in a house with such selfish, rude, inconsiderate people, who do nothing but bitch and whine about getting their way. People who are lazy, and expect everything to be given to them on a silver platter. People who do nothing to earn their keep, and if they lift a finger, everyone has to know how hard it was for them.

I cannot live with my father and my sister any longer.

I just want to scream at them. Scream at them about how horrible they've made my life. About how much they've hurt me and my mom. About how they turned out to be horrible human beings with no work ethic, no sense of responsibility, and no compassion for anyone other than themselves.

I can't even leave food in the fridge that I BOUGHT without it being devoured by the next morning. Even if I SPECIFICALLY TELL THEM NOT TO EAT IT, it's still gone before I can get a second helping.

But as always, it's not about pizza or ice cream.

I just want to get out of here, and take my mom with me. I can't take it. I want to kill them both. Especially my dad...I can't fucking take any of his bullshit any more.

Earlier today:
Dad: "Addy, I'm taking your guitar for my rehearsal."
Addy: "I'd really rather you didn't, I kind of have it tuned and set up the way I want it."
Dad: "Oh come on...I'm taking it." *leaves*

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

I'm only happy ever in this house when I'm locked away in my room, or if Chad's here to distract me.

Excuse me while I fucking break some things. Namely my dad's recording equipment that he bought with money that was supposed to go to my post-secondary education.

Fuck you dad.

I tried hard to have a father
Instead I got a dad.
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 9:40 PM

 
Ok, well I'm just overflowing with emotions, so while I SHOULD be getting to bed, I have to let this all out.

Yes, I do feel like crying.

Yes, I do feel like drinking myself into a stupor so I don't feel anything anymore.

Yes, I want to scream at the top of my lungs until I pass out from lack of oxygen.

But...

No, I am in NO WAY WHATSOEVER upset with Chad.

I realize that things in life happen. Sometimes things don't always work out the way you want them to...but you know, you get over it. Getting over obstacles is what makes us better, and learn more in life. So while this may feel fucking horrible right now...it'll be ok. Chad once told me that love can often involve sacrifices. So after all the sacrifices Chad made for me, this one is ok for me.

I just need someone to be with me on May 26th. That's all.

And I need Chad to be with me tomorrow, to tell me he loves me and that he's wishes things could be different....to hug me and hold me while I cry like an idiot. That's not too much to ask is it?

I just wish it wasn't a girl.

But like I said, I am overflowing with emotions at this point, so I am going to go cry like crazy. Hopefully Chad won't be mad about me drinking the rest of the Bailey's tonight. I really need it.

God I love you Chad. Nothing will change that.

I softly kiss her
And silently whisper
Three small words
"I love you"
~Addy
- posted by Eddie @ 11:40 PM